The Emergence Of Julia
In October of 2003, I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. I did not have any health insurance and I was very dissatisfied with the experiences that I had with my first baby. I did what was expected of me and went to a doctor and proceeded to deliver in a hospital after being induced with pitocin and a vaginal suppository. I was diagnosed with toxemia, high blood pressure, and who knows what else. I was hooked up to half a dozen IV’s. I ended up with a fourth degree tear from the episiotomy and my bottom hasn’t been the same since. I ended up giving in to the pressure and getting an epidural. I had initially wanted a natural childbirth. I wanted so many things with the birth of my first baby but was unable to have any of them.
Not having insurance turned out to be a blessing for me. I refused to go to a community clinic again. I had been that route before and I shuddered at the thought of it. In a moment of prayer, I recalled that a friend of mine in college had a baby in a birthing center because her mom was a midwife. So, I set out to find a midwife and see what I could find out. I had a list of several midwives and called them all. Only one of them returned my call so I set up an appointment with her for an information session.
I got on the Internet and did my homework and found out what questions to even ask. I was clueless. I am the youngest of four children and all of my siblings had children yet nobody could really tell me anything about the birthing process, what questions to ask, or even what I should or should not accept. I grew up with the notion that you go to a doctor and do what you are told for the most part. At least that is what my sisters did during all of their pregnancies. Pregnancy and fertility were not discussed much in my house.
I went to the information session and felt like I had just met an angel. She answered all of my questions sufficiently. There are tons of resources out there that tell you what kinds of questions to ask a midwife and what kinds of answers are acceptable. The midwife that I stumbled upon was a direct entry midwife rather than a certified nurses midwife, which was great for me because I do not like doctors and hospitals except in emergencies. The level of care and conscientiousness shown to me by Chris Duffy (my midwife) was amazing even at that very first visit. She told me more information in that hour or two informational session than I had been given during my entire first pregnancy. It was amazing. Price wasn’t even an issue because the total fee was about the same as all the hospital and doctor’s co-pays that I paid with my daughter.
She gave me so much knowledge and empowered me in a way that I had never ever felt before. I began to read every single book I could get my hands on about pregnancy and birth. I also made it a point to seek books that focused on the natural aspects of pregnancy rather than what the doctors and hospitals tell you. I have compared the books and there is a vast difference between a book written for a mom planning to give birth at a hospital versus a book written for a mom planning to give birth at home.
Planning a home birth and becoming the client (notice I said client rather than patient) of a midwife changed my entire approach to life. I learned stuff about health and nutrition that I should have learned during my first pregnancy. Some of it, I should have learned in school. I am personally convinced that I could have avoided a lot of problems in my first pregnancy had I been equipped with the correct knowledge. The sad thing is that I am a librarian and I had no clue that some of this information even existed so I didn’t know to go look. Having a few key words goes a long way when doing research.
All of my prenatal visits were very helpful and set me at ease. My appointments were all set for a time where my husband could be present. He wanted to be a part of my first pregnancy but the appointments were always at odd times while he was working. Besides that, the doctor’s office was not very welcoming to husbands. Frankly, I felt that they were down right hostile towards them. I was also able to include my 2-year-old daughter in everything because I wanted her to be present for the birth. I didn’t want her to be as clueless about the human body and birth as I was. My midwife completely supported this and included my daughter in everything. She helped me to prepare my daughter for what she would see and hear. I read her books and showed her pictures and let her feel her baby sister kick her through my tummy.
As the day of birth got closer and closer, I became more and more restless and wanted the baby to come. Chris encouraged me to walk and exercise and do things that would help encourage labor naturally. There was never any talk of drugs or cesareans or anything else unnatural. She took all of my concerns seriously. She never blew me off. She always treated me with the utmost respect and was always there when I needed her. I even got sick during the latter part of my pregnancy and she came all the way to my house to make sure that my baby’s heart rate and everything else was normal. It was so reassuring and comforting.
I went to see Chris one Saturday morning and ended up going into labor that evening while I was at church. I was only dilated to two or three centimeters at my appointment and I don’t remember how effaced I was. After my appointment, we went to the mall so I could walk. I think we had gone to the mall several times in the preceding weeks so I could walk. We had lunch at a Chinese buffet and then went to church. It was kind of odd because I said a silent prayer and gave over all my worries and frustrations to God.
Shortly after that I noticed that I was sweating a lot and my seat felt kind of wet. I blew it off because it was the end of June and the temperatures outside had been pretty warm. I got up and went to the bathroom and decided that my waters must have broken because I felt a slight gush when I went to potty. That was it. I had my first labor pain right there in church at around 6:30 PM. I think my husband caught on and so did a couple that was sitting near us. They all asked if I was okay and I assured them that I was. Church was almost over anyway so I figured I could make it just fine. When we left, I told my husband that I was pretty sure that labor was starting. I didn’t have a frame of reference for natural labor because everything with my oldest had been unnatural. But, something inside of me just knew.
We went home and figured we would take a wait and see approach. My labor pains weren’t that close together at first but it didn’t take long for them to get to about 20 minutes apart. It was pretty easy going because I would walk with them. I don’t remember exactly when I called the midwife but she said she would be heading over soon.
When she arrived somewhere around 9 or 10 that evening, my husband and daughter went to the store to get a few things because we hadn’t yet had a chance to restock our cabinets. I was so glad that they left. I enjoyed being able to labor alone with Chris. She told me there was another midwife on the way to assist her and that was fine. I didn’t want anybody there but the midwife, my husband, and daughter who was almost 3 at the time. I lost all sense of time. I remember trying to take a shower but I was so big that the shower and bathtub were making me claustrophobic. I tried walking around a bit but that didn’t really help much either. I ended up sitting in my big over-stuffed armchair half reclined/half sitting up. I asked Chris if she would rub my tummy and she did. She made very slow circles on my protruding belly. It was so comforting. Neither of us said a word, which was nice. Massage and touch have always been a great source of comfort for me. My grandma has always rubbed my feet and given me foot treatments for as long as I can remember.
It seemed like everything happened at once. The other midwife showed up and my husband and daughter returned from the store. My daughter wanted to help rub my tummy so Chris helped her rub my tummy. It was so nice to have my daughter there. I hated being separated from my daughter so homebirth was a great option because she could be there with me the entire time. At some point, my husband took over and rubbed my tummy and did some of the things that he had read about in the book, “The Birth Partner”. My husband was very supportive of me my entire pregnancy. He read books about homebirth and made sure he was prepared to help me however he could. That was a great help. Neither of us was afraid. We knew what to expect and were well prepared with the help of Chris.
At one point, my husband and the other midwife were chatting and it really distracted me. Any and all sound drove me nuts. I needed quiet and Chris made sure I had it. All I had to do is tell her what I wanted or needed and she made sure I had it. Towards the end, I was lost in my own little world. I was praying out loud and singing and I don’t know what else. I had no concept of time at all.
I knew I was getting close to the end when I felt like I was going to vomit and or poop my pants. I tried to hold it all in but then something snapped inside of me and I just let go. Oddly enough, it was actually a good feeling. I kept my pants on clear up until the time my baby was ready to come out. There was never any pressure for me to be dressed a certain way or act a certain way. I followed my own intuition and did what came naturally to me without anybody telling me what to do or feel. When I had my oldest child, the nurses actually chastised me a couple of times and at one point they told me that I couldn’t possibly be feeling what I said I was feeling.
Pushing my daughter out was the most amazing feeling in the world. I pushed her out just past midnight after only six hours of labor. I could feel so much yet none of it was painful. The midwives put warm compresses on my perineum. That was really soothing and it helped me stretch. I think I only ended up with a tiny tear. I know it didn’t require any stitches. It was barely negligible. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings that I had as I pushed my daughter out. It was almost orgasmic. Once she was out, I was in a state of shock. I felt so powerful. I had never felt so powerful in my entire life. I really don’t remember what happened after she came out. I know they put her on my chest until I delivered the placenta, which was huge. It didn’t take very long or at least it didn’t seem like that long in my euphoric state.
One thing I remember vividly, is my daughter running around the living room jumping up and down shouting with delight, “My sister’s coming out, my sister’s coming out.” It was so joyous to have her there. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. It made a huge impact on my daughter. She was a little scared but mostly excited. She got to be a part of something most people will never ever get to be a part of, an unhindered natural birth where life is celebrated in its most pure state.
After a while, they prepared an herbal bath for me. While I was getting in the tub, they weighed my precious one and announced that my baby weighed nine pounds three ounces. I couldn’t believe it because it was such an easy birth. My first baby was only seven pounds twelve ounces and I ended up with and episiotomy and a fourth degree tear. As soon as they weighed my baby, they brought her to me in the tub and let the two of us soak there together.
When I got out of the tub, we went and relaxed in bed where we were joined by my baby’s big sister. Both of my babies proceeded to nurse. It was such a sweet feeling. My oldest had been weaned for the most part but when she saw her baby sister getting “mommy drinks” she wanted them too. I could have stayed like that all night but the midwives brought me back to reality and said that I should eat something. My husband brought us all some fruit and we had some fruit together.
I asked the midwives when they were going to leave. That is when they told me that I had to go to the bathroom and do a couple of other things before they would leave. They had to make sure that my baby and I were healthy and in good shape. I did what I had to do and they left. Before they left, they made sure my baby Julia was bundled up and tucked safely in my arms. My husband, my two girls, and I all curled up in bed around 3 AM after an exhilarating day. We will never view birth the same way again. It was such a sweet and wonderful experience.